Sea World officials announced today that Shamu, the Orlando killer whale who has ended the life of three trainers, will no longer be referred to as a “killer” whale. Names under consideration are Lover Whale, Buddy Whale, and simply TaQuisha. Sea World expects this move to focus attention on the family aspect of the Shamu experience. Officials say that Shamu had no malevolent intentions when it drowned the young woman who had been training her for more than a decade. The Miami Herald however, is looking into allegations of gambling debts that the sea mammal may have had from betting on Dolphin games.

Executives from Visa, MasterCard, Discover and American Express are expressing concern over Americans increasing dependency on cash. Citing worldwide devaluation of US currency, the credit giants say that cash is quickly becoming obsolete and they recommend that we become a plastic nation. A recent poll found that due to increasing unemployment, Americans don’t have any money, and need credit cards to pay bills.

Let me just say this-If she needs two hands guys, you’re in the wrong business!

For those of you returning to my site, there have been a lot of changes. The last three years, I’ve been at KOGO AM600 in San Diego, spearheading the #1 morning show in America’s Finest City. Along with LaDona Harvey, Don Ayres, Mike Usher, George Chamberlain, and Cal Walker, we’re kicking some ass. I sold NOiQ.com last year to a gambling consortium in Malta, (Obama got a good chunk of that) so if you’ve been trying to find me at NOiQ.com, sorry.

I still own MRiQ.com, plus InsideTheBeltway.com and others; all still a part of my professional life. InsideTheBeltway.com will be like the Onion, only different, and MRiQ.com is my new media/film company. I’m still doing stand-up, writing, directing and editing a nightly 61-second piece for the CW in San Diego, shooting short films, writing songs, screenplays and a book on the Demand side of economics. Many of you back east in DC and Baltimore still listen on-line, and I love you. Tell O’Malley that he’s still a tool. OK?

Well, look around and enjoy, buy something, and drop me a note. I’ll watch your back!…Chip

The bad blood, which started when Chinese dissidents started using Google to disseminate information the government found dangerous, seems to be a thing of the past. Google announced today that they were purchasing the country for an undisclosed sum rumored to be in excess of a shit load. Immediately following the announcement, the Chinese government allowed thousands to fill Tiananmen Square, where they began to protest Google’s numerous privacy violations. Google responded with it’s own Googilian forces, ending the resistance before it even had a chance.

Despite having served for years as a distinguished Pakistani diplomat, Akbar Zeb reportedly cannot receive accreditation as Pakistan’s ambassador to Saudi Arabia. The reason, apparently, has nothing to do with his credentials, and everything to do with his name — which, in Arabic, translates to “biggest dick”:

Apparently, in Saudi Arabia, size does count.

A high level Pakistani diplomat has been rejected as Ambassador of Saudi Arabia because his name, Akbar Zib, equates to “Biggest Dick” in Arabic. Saudi officials, apparently overwhelmed by the idea of the name, put their foot down and gave the idea of his being posted there, the kibosh.

According to this Arabic-language article in the Arab Times, Pakistan had previously floated Zeb’s name as ambassador to the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, only to have him rejected for the same reason. One can only assume that submitting Zeb’s name to a number of Arabic-speaking countries is some unique form of punishment designed by the Pakistani Foreign Ministry — or the result of a particularly egregious cockup.

So chip doesn’t seem so bad after all.