We’re the kind of people who stand in the express checkout line at the supermarket, counting other people’s items. Lady? I think you have 16 there. Ahh, but I see the Twinkies under the semi-boneless ham. You better round up your kids and get your pregnant ass in the right line. Too harsh?
Type-A people are proud. For example, I will never let you merge if you go all the way to the end of the entrance ramp and try to get in front. And worse, if you’re that car in front of me in traffic, allowing too much space in between cars and you let that guy in..I’m all over you. GOOOO!!!!! I hate that.
That’s why I drive an old beat-up car. In the land of Lexus and BMW, I dare people to try and cut in. Go ahead Mr 2012 sun roof. I’m driving a ‘99 Chevette..I’m ur worst nightmare. I have nothing to lose. Yeah, I know. Just sayin..you want to play with the Typa A’s..There’s a price.
Now Excuse me..GOOOO!!!!
The Interview
February 14th, 2012
With unemployment at 20-year high, a lot of people are practicing their job interview skills.
Let me help.
First off, get there on time. Yeah, I know you’re taking public transportation, and sometimes they’re late, but those drivers already have jobs. Take the earlier bus and dont sit next to the guy who smells like urine.
Second, ladies, don’t dress like a hooker. I know it worked for Erin Brockovich, but if you looked like Julia Roberts, you wouldn’t be in National City trying to get a $9 an hour job answering phones. So cover the boobs.
And guys, wear a suit, shave, don’t chew gum, and try to cover up that tattoo of satan. It scares your mother, so theres’ a good chance that 60-year old in Human resources will be freaked out too.
And when you don’t get the job, don’t threaten anyone. It’ll show up on Youtube before you get home.
Depressing isn’t it. Well, show this to your 19 yr old who thinking of dropping out of college to form a band. And if that doesn’t work, get him a bus schedule…
Let’s Play War!
February 12th, 2012
When I was a kid, little boys played War. Try that today and they’ll have you on a couch quicker than u can open a bottle of Zanex. Remember the toys we played with then? Not so much now. Jarts? Basically life size darts for games of skill and impalement. You’d throw them across the lawn at a target, or a cousin. They’re gone.
And what better to have after a good game of Jarts than a bubble gum cigarette? Just like Uncle Bob. The one with the hole in his throat.
Remember the BB gun? They’re still available, but you need a 50-state background check.
And lets not leave the girls out…
This is the Easy-Bake oven, which was banned because some girls kept touching the light bulb. I don’t want to judge, but maybe thats a sign you aren’t ready to prepare food.
And finally, a toy I can’t believe they banned; from 1951, the Atomic Energy lab. It came complete with real samples of uranium, and a geiger counter to measure radioactivity. It’s been banned too. Yet another example of the PC police taking over. An atomic energy lab? What could go wrong..
Hey kid, don’t touch that…
Occupy Yourself!
February 10th, 2012
The Occupy movement kind of fizzled when the weather got cool, but I see big things for them when the weather warms up. And I smell big things too.
The biggest complaint of the original occupiers, Occupy Wall Street, was the greed of US corporations. They were the modern day robber barons, stealing from the poor, blah blah blah…Some called themselves socialists, and decried the evil capitalistic ways of America. Hey, that’s their right. First amendment guarantees it. But I feel it’s necessary to point out a few problems with the movement.
In almost every photograph, from almost every city, I say people either talking on cell phones or smoking cigarettes. Let’s examine that. In the case of the iPhone, you’re talking about a company that pays it’s CEO hundreds of millions of dollars a year, makes much of what they sell by employing underpaid factory workers in China, and have more cash on hand than 3/4 of the countries in the world, INCLUDING 25% more cash than the US.
Oh it wasn’t an Apple, it was a droid. You mean the operating system run by Google, who at this moment is trying to censor me on YouTube?
And cigarettes? You want an evil industry, I’m on board. So why are you posers supporting their product that will kill 10 million people worldwide in 2012?
So fellas, if you want to change the world, knock yourself out. But first? I’d start with the capitalist in the mirror.
The Super Bowel?
January 31st, 2012
The big game? Please, it’s the Super Bowl. Sue me.
The biggest sporting event in the world has a bug up it’s thin, pig skin. Perhaps you’ve noticed that restaurants, bars and your occasional Elks lodge refrain from calling the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl. Why? Can you spell Greed?
First, a little history. The first “Super Bowl, was called the NFL championship game. Legend has it became the ‘Super Bowl’ after American Football league founder Lamar Hunt, hearing his grand-daughter call her toy rubber ball a ’super ball,’ thought she said ‘Super Bowl’ and changed the name..
More than 45 years later, the NFL just signed a deal with the networks for close to 28 billion dollars, their merchandising makes millions more, and still they won’t let Oggie’s pizza say Super Bowl without forking over thousands of dollars?
Really? Have they forgotten who’s responsible for their meteoric success? But I have a plan. All week long I’ve been saying Super Ball, Super Ball Super Ball. And NFL, you can’t do squat. Nope. Nothing.
Although I just got a cease and desist from Hasbro…
Second Hand Politics
January 20th, 2012
The American Lung Association has given four San Diego an “F” for smoking restrictions. Debra Kelley, senior director of advocacy for the Lung Association in San Diego, said that while California’s anti-smoking laws lead the nation, that doesn’t mean more can’t be done.
Really? It’s already illegal to smoke at the beach, near buildings, in parks, and bars and restaurants. The reasoning being that second-hand smoke is dangerous to non-smokers. But those studies are incomplete, and sometimes outright bogus. (http://tinyurl.com/yuhvzd) The largest study to conclude that second hand smoke is dangerous was funded by a pharmaceutical company who sells medication to stop smoking. Imagine the hue and cry if a cigarette company produced a study with such self serving results?
We could ban cigarettes, but then what would Washington and Sacramento do without the billions in taxes from the sale of tobacco? A tax that is regressive, since the poorer and less educated one is, the more likely he will smoke. And what percentages of those revenues go to smoking cessation programs? According to the CDC, less than 2% of cigarette taxes help people quit.
So maybe, it’s not the smokers we should ban from our streets, restaurants, parks and public buildings. Maybe it’s time to go after the real merchants of death. Because it’s not smoke that’s killing you, it’s the second hand policies of the political status quo, doing a slow burn on your money and your rights.
The Scars To Prove It
January 16th, 2012
I have lived, and I have the scars to prove it.
Here in Southern California, where lines, wrinkles, sags and bags have fallen way to the wizardry of the cosmetic surgeon, I stand alone. I love my imperfections. And there’s a lot to love.
I have lived thru battles with rough edges, gravity, knuckles, a few bb’s and an arrow. And with it, some rust and wear. But I’m still here. Sure, I’m not as pretty as Matthew McConaughey, but I don’t need to be. I’m a guy. We have different rules. Seriously, would Jack Nicholson still get sex if he were a woman? (That sounds wrong, but you get it.)
I don’t mind getting older. Why? Because, it’s better than a face full of dirt. As a society however, we have decided that youth is king. TV, movies, magazines celebrate youth. But it’s really a den of fear. Of age. Of death. But not me. I like my cars,wine and women with a few miles on em. Life is to be lived. It’s said he who has the most toys when he dies, wins.
That’s not true. It’s whoever has the best stories. And the scars to prove them.
~Chip Franklin 1/16/12
10% Gay
January 11th, 2012
DC is considering a bill to legalize gay marriage. That is so gay, and expensive.
Gay marriage and divorce is a red herring. Gay marriage and gay divorce is not about “gay,” it’s about money.
One of the demands that gay and lesbians have is they are denied the fiscal benefits accorded to straight couples. That’s true. But the answer isn’t to give it to gays. The answer is to take it back from straights and institute a flat tax of 10% that would make this and so many other arguments moot. With a flat tax, all of the deductions would disappear, as would the mountains of paperwork. we could make realistic budgets, and save billions.
If we had a VAT or a flat tax, we would not need special exemptions for special groups. Marriage would again be a contract between two people. There would be no need for Defense of Marriage act, etc..
So why not do this? Inertia, in the shape of the IRS, the accounting industry, state gov’t revenue collections, and of course, every business that benefits from the current tax policies. But the long version is a simpler and more prosperous economy. Sadly however, the long run is a political orphan with no hope of adoption by this two party corruption.
The 411 of the 911
January 6th, 2012
A young Oklahoma mother shot and killed an intruder to protect her 3-month-old baby on New Year’s Eve, less than a week after the baby’s father died of cancer. But that’s not the story.
Sarah McKinley was home, one day after burying her husband, the father of her infant son, when two men who had been stalking her attempted to break in and rape her. At the very least. Now it should be noted that this is Grady County OK, where it often takes law enforcement an hour to respond. Where when the bad gets worse, and the worse gets deadly, all of the PC in the world can get you in trouble, or worse, killed.
Still this young mother felt it necessary to call 911 and ask for permission to shoot the 24 yr old man breaking into her home with a 12 inch butcher knife. Which she did, successfully. But what does it say about our society that she felt she needed to contact authorities first? It says a lot about the culture of group-think over the rights of one.
But it gets weirder. The accomplice escaped, and only was captured when he called 911 to report the shooting. Oh yeah. He thought that his rights as an intruder/rapist had been trampled. Welcome to Backwards-land, USA. A ideological suburb of once great, now broken state of California.
1/6/12 ~Chip Franklin
15 Minute Fame
January 4th, 2012
I was telling my son about Andy Warhol’s declaration that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. He said, “who’s Andy Warhol?”
I’ve been in front of a microphone for all of my life, playing/paying my way thru colleges in a band, doing standup while my kids grew up, and now radio here in San Diego. I started performing because girls seemed to like musicians, but also because people paid attention to you. I know that sounds shallow, but it’s true. At the heart of why any of us performs is a neurosis that our words need amplification over yours.
Fame however is a fleeting thing, and keeps me working to justify my increased volume. I’ve been on national TV and heard my songs on the radio, and it’s a great feeling.
But I’ve been around long enough to not take it for granted. I’m not famous by any stretch, but there are enough people listening that occasionally I get recognized.
Like the other day this woman asked me, “Are you Chip Franklin?” “Yes, I said, “I am.” She tilted her head and then said, “You’re an a-hole” and walked away.
